Interview w/a Pretty Boy
Shane is in the hot seat.
Av: Thank you, for taking the time to talk to me. I know you must be a very busy man.
Shane: ::Shrugs:: I had five minutes to spare.
Av: So let’s get straight to the most important thing: You’re having a baby.
Av: With your husby.
Av: How do you feel about that?
Shane: Scared shitless, really. We’re about to be responsible for another human being. Half the time we’re not responsible enough to take care of us.
Av: What does that mean?
Shane: We’re men. What the hell do we know about anything, much less taking care of a tiny person?
Av: Well, I think your baby just needs love. I happen to think you and that man of yours can handle that just fine.
Shane: We can. I’m just freaking out.
Av: And how is Mr. Castillo handling it?
Shane: He’s excited, and nervous, but he’ll be great. I know that.
Av: You’ll both do great. Tell us, whose swimmers were used?
Shane: We agreed to use mine for the first baby.
Av: Which means you’ll be having another child.
Shane: Oh yeah, J.P. needs another one, and I want to make sure he has a bio child as well.
Av: You know your eyes do that dreamy shit when you mention him, right?
Shane: ::blushes:: No, it doesn’t.
Av: Yes, it does. How’s life being married to Juan Pablo Castillo?
Shane: Life is…full of adventure and yet, it’s simple, it’s quiet and it’s perfect. For us. It’s perfect for us.
Av: And your job, how does that factor in?
Shane: I’m riding a desk now. I’m home for dinner no later than 7 every evening.
Av: You made that choice?
Shane: ::nods:: I made that choice. After what happened with my undercover work, and seeing how it affected J.P. I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t put him through it again. And with us making plans, bringing a baby into the world, I have to be around to see our child grow up. I had to make some tough decisions, but changing my duties at work wasn’t all that hard.
Av: Does your superiors know just who you’re married to?
Shane: They know. I didn’t hide it, and I had internal affairs all up in my business for a long time. They dug through our lives, trying to find some way that I’d been compromised. Of course there was nothing to find. They’ve since left us alone, but they’re waiting for me to slip up.
Av: Why not quit?
Shane: Because I actually like what I do, and I did consider it when they were fucking with our lives, but J.P. didn’t think I should.
Av: And how is your man doing on the house husband front? Is he still on that kick?
Shane: Oh yeah. He’s really embraced that, and it’s really sexy to watch I must say. He’s in charge of the house. He doesn’t even want me to help, but sometimes I do.
Av: You did buy a house, yeah?
Shane: We bought a house closer to my brother and his family, and near some good schools. Stuff like that.
Av: Do you know the sex of the baby, yet?
Shane: We don’t, we want to be surprised, but we do have a name picked out.
Av: Care to share?
Shane: Not really, nope.
Av: ::pouts:: fine. Let’s talk your wedding. How was that?
Shane: It was great. We did it in Brooklyn, all of my family members were there, all the members of the gang were there and it was funny to see my parents try to make sense of all the rough-looking men in the place.
Av: Was it all you’d ever dreamed of?
Shane: I’d never really dreamt of a wedding, but what we had was amazing and fitting for us.
Av: There was a time when Juan Pablo Castillo had you bound in his basement. A time when he drew your blood, when he choked you out, almost killed you.
Av: How did you manage to forgive him?
Shane: It wasn’t all that hard to do. Because I knew why he freaked out, I saw it in his eyes even when he was denying his feelings for me. I hurt him, and he hurt me back. If he wanted me dead I think we both know I’d be dead.
Av: Do you still think abut that time, that moment? Maybe pull it out when he does something that makes you angry, and you throw it back in his face?
Shane: Never. I’d never do that, throw it back in his face. It still haunts him, I know because sometimes he’ll bring it up. I don’t think about it. He hurt me once, and he’s saved my life many times over. We’re even.
Av: What did you do when he sent you away and you came back to Atlanta? Did you try to move on with someone else?
Shane: Oh nah. No one else was touching me but J.P. I cried, I slept—or tried to—I worked. I cursed him and myself for loving him, but there was no time where I thought I’d better look for someone else.
Av: Let’s talk Jack Wellington.
Av: Why was it so easy for you to fall out of love with him?
Shane: It wasn’t easy. Not at all. I loved Jack for a long time. We wanted different things. What he wanted I wasn’t ready for.
Av: Or what he wanted you didn’t want to give him.
Shane: Maybe. Our relationship was the easiest thing, you know. We morphed from coworkers to friends to lovers seamlessly. Jack was comfortable, like a favorite blanket or a cup of tea. Safe.
Av: Safe is good.
Shane: Yes, safe is good. But not that kind. There was no spark after a while, no urgency, nothing to make me want to hang on to us.
Av: And you have that with J.P.?
Shane: There’s nothing safe about what I have with J.P. There’s nothing typical about us, how we came together and how we remain together.
Av: How would you describe your relationship now?
Shane: There’s something I can’t explain about walking into our home and seeing him there, waiting for me. The knowledge that before I open my eyes in the morning, I can feel him next to me in our bed, I can smell him, hear him, and know he’s there, that knowledge is humbling. So I’d describe our relationship as humbling, the fact that he’s with me, that he gave it all up for me.
Av: You broke Jack’s heart. How does that make you feel?
Shane: Well, obviously I’m not proud of it. I’m not proud that I hurt him, because that was never my intent. But I don’t understand why he thought we had a chance. He knew we were over, then he acts like I cheated on him with J.P.
Av: You were over him, so you don’t see what the big deal was. He remained in love with you so it was a big deal for him.
Shane: I know. He acted really selfishly at times, like when I was undercover. That shit can’t be excused.
Av: I hear he’s gone now, out of the Atlanta office, out of Atlanta, out of your life.
Shane: Yeah. That time in the hospital was the last time I saw him.
Av: I know you don’t love him anymore, but do you miss him? You were friends for so long.
Shane: At times I do, for sure. I miss his friendship.
Av: You think you’ll ever have it back?
Shane: Dunno. Time will tell. To have Jack back in my life, he has to know that J.P. comes first. I don’t know if Jack will ever accept that so he has to remain my past.
Av: If he found someone of his own, would you welcome him back then?
Shane: Maybe. I just want Jack to be happy, to be content with his life and to see that I am with mine.
Av: Let’s talk sex.
Av: What you mean why? Who takes control in the bedroom?
Shane: We switch things up, as I’m sure you’re fully aware.
Av: Had to ask. Does one of you prefer something more than the other?
Shane: I don’t know what you mean. We go with the flow. Nobody keeps score.
Av: But until J.P. you hadn’t bottomed. What made you give it up to him? Matter of fact, tell me about that first time in Coney Island when he had you draped over the couch, ass up, begging for it.
Shane: I went over there with my heart in my throat and my palms sweaty. I kinda expected to have him pop my cherry, I mean there was no way someone like Juan Pablo Castillo was gonna bottom for me. I was scared, but I wanted him and I wanted him any way I could have him.
Av: Eventually he did bottom for you, which we’ll discuss later. But that moment in Coney Island, he used you, didn’t he? He fucked you from the back and then walked away.
Shane: He did, and I left with my ass on fir when he went to the bathroom.
Av: I always wondered why. Why did you leave?
Shane: Because I knew I cared for him, and I didn’t know how I could hide it from him. I was sure it was written all over my face right then. And I also knew it was the wrong thing to do, the wrong move, sleeping with Juan Pablo Castillo.
Av: Didn’t stop you from coming back.
Shane: ::laughs:: Just made me want more.
Part Two coming soon.